Mother-daughter relationships

On Facebook I always see pictures of friends who are close to their mums, and they boast of all the good things they do. I don’t particularly feel envious as I acknowledge things between my mum and I have never been good. Of course there are days when we just talk and gossip and it seems that all is well. But there will always be at least one incident a day either one of us will piss the other off. This article I came across holds true of my mum:

Whenever mothers offer any (motherly) advice, or suggest improvements in wardrobes, hairstyles, or looks, daughters smell a rat and see implied criticism in everything that is said (or left unsaid). Mothers think that they correct their daughters because they care for their daughters; daughters think that mothers just need an excuse to criticize. The resulting tension often spills over for days on end.

If my mum wasn’t always so critical of me, I may like her more, and even tell her my secrets, instead of telling my aunt or bestie first. But knowing her, I know she will never change. This is the same woman who will preach to me about how I should “be a wife” to Ravin, of which zilch she follows of her own advice. Role modelling they say.

Do I believe in karma? I do. Someday my own kids will be writing blogs like this, criticizing my role as Mummy. But at least I know I’ve tried to be everything my mum was not. I’m not going to boast that “I raised you two by myself so I’ve got experience you should follow”. I read, and I’m proud of it. Yes, theory may not always be able to be applied realistically. But the authors are not called experts for nothing.



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